Talent, Passion, and Harmony

It has been quite a long time since I started re-evaluating the choices I have made regarding my profession.
I can't remember what initiated it, I think it was when I started feeling less and less satisfied with my job a few years ago. Every morning I would drag myself out of home to work dreading the day, as if I was going to a forced labor camp!

It was somewhere around that time when I first looked for personality and aptitude tests; I began reading books and articles about how one should choose a profession. I attended workshops and sought career counselling.

Those tests and books and workshops were useful, generally speaking. I mean they were good at labeling groups of people and occupations; But, honestly nothing definite came out of it for me, because I usually landed in the boundary of two or more categories. I never ended up in an extreme end of any definition. Well if I did, there would not be any need for all those speculations from the start!

In the hope of finding a clue, I dug my childhood memories, then I talked to my parents and brother, then I did some soul searching, then I sat down with my husband and made him describe me, my strengths and weaknesses. I read some more books, took some more tests, then..., you get the picture!

Alas, after all that hard work there was no revelation awaiting me.

But this extensive research was not completely unfruitful either. What I am about to outline here is what I learned from this journey: The main ingredients for a balanced life and a successful career, "Talent, Passion, and Harmony". I will describe each one in more detail.

Talent, is the natural ability or quality of a person, something that s/he can do with no effort. Something we call it a gift. To have a successful career, one has to have a talent in that area. As an example, one can't be a renowned mathematician without being talented in math. This is quite straightforward and doesn't need more explanation.

Passion, is a burning desire one feels for something, in our case a field of work. The strong tendency for working in that area is evident in every aspect of the person's life. There is no boundary between work and home, job and hobby. To that person they are all the same. Time is meaningless when he is working, because to him working is playing. Now if talent and passion come hand in hand, it will be a match made in heaven! This is the distinguishing factor between one who is good at something and one who is exceptional.

Now the third ingredient, Harmony, comes to play. Harmony is the congruence between the work and other aspects of a person's life. What I mean is that the work, its environment and requirements should be compatible with other wants and needs and obligations present in life of a person. This is really important for ultimate happiness of that individual.

For example, consider a female attorney who is involved in a big lawsuit in the company that she works for. She has to fly all the way across the country to attend courts and present cases. She likes her work and is very good at what she does. At home though, she has two little children who she loves so dearly. Every time she has to fly away on business, she gets torn into pieces. Every time she questions her choice of profession and evaluates her options... Do you see what I mean? The ultimate happiness of this person, who is very talented in her field and have a strong passion for it, is dependant on this third ingredient. Her work and life are not in harmony, and no matter how much talented or passionate she is about her work, she won't feel content.

I remember when I was younger and still in school, if someone would suggest that I should pursue a teaching career, I would get really offended! My feminist side would kick in instantly and I would criticize them for stereotyping women in particular professions. Now that I am a mother, I understand what they were trying to say! They were talking about the missing harmony between personal and professional lives of women in some other fields.

This is as much true for men; you just need to look around to find some examples.

So my final point is that regardless of gender, if you want to choose a profession for yourself or advise younger ones in doing so, keep the bigger picture in mind. Pay great attention to talent and passion, but at the same time look a bit further into the future and visualize the person's work and life, and the harmony between the two.

Wood vs. Brick

You probably have seen some of the devastating scenes of recent wildfires in southern California.

The first day we escaped the town, we were following the latest news about the wildfires on TV in our hotel room. In the midst of fear and anticipation one particular image was burnt into my memory, it was a scene of a standing fireplace on piles of ashes. Just like a war-torn flag in an empty battle field; Like an eyewitness, it was telling the world of the bravery and brutality that had happened there. The brick fireplace was declaring to the world that there stood a home not too long ago!

It was also telling the world something else, something very simple and basic! That I, "The Brick", can survive the wildest of wildfires while my rival "The Wood" can not!

So I wondered, in an area that is threatened by wildfires for about 5 months out of a year (due to low humidity and hot winds blowing from the deserts), why do home developers and urban planners insist on building wood-frame houses?

Sure there are many advantages to a frame house, but there are as many to one built of bricks! I am not a civil engineer and don't have much expertise in this field, but seems that the main reason that homes are built of wood in this area is that the Pacific Coast is an earthquake prone region and it is believed that a wood-frame house flexes with earth movement thus survives the quake (although a study in university of Buffalo, NY somewhat begs to differ: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6487930).

But, are wildfires less dangerous than earthquakes?

Generally speaking, there is some time to escape the fire. Experts can predict where the fire is going towards and they evacuate the area in advance and save lives. Earthquakes, on the other hand, happen fast and without any warning, that makes them more dangerous. Nevertheless, for affected individuals the monetary damage of a fire is far greater than earthquakes. If one survives a quake, one can still find valuables and belongings between the rubbles. But, nothing survives in a fire! Except for a brick fireplace!

Looking at some scientific data about the earthquake areas, it is evident that south western corner of California is far from the earthquake fault line. And because the ground is fractured in this part of the world, the chances of quakes transmitting to this area are little. But wildfires happen almost every year in this area and once every few years one of them becomes a mega fire, like the one we just had.

So until scientist and engineers can find a building material that is economical and can survive both fire and earthquake, why not make homes out of something that can at least survive the fire, like hmm, bricks!

Sugar, Sugar In The Bun

Do you remember this line from the Snow White story? "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest fair of all?"
I have come up with a line that applies to our lives much much better. It goes like this: "Sugar, sugar in the bun, who is the fattest fat of tun?"

Those of you, who have tasted food outside of North America, know what I am talking about. The food tastes too sweet here, don't you agree?

I was hungry this afternoon and wanted something quick to suppress my hunger. There was a piece of French bread on the kitchen counter top (whole wheat version, as we try to eat healthy!!!); without hesitation, I tore a piece and put it in my mouth! "OH MY! Is this really bread?" That was my first reaction. I honestly turned over its nice paper wrapping to read the label and make sure that it was in fact bread and not some kind of pastry! And then had to read its ingredients to find out how much sugar was in it. Obviously since it was so sweet, I couldn't stop eating it. Talking about addiction, ha?

I remember a while ago we went to a famous chain pizzeria here in So Cal for the first time. I ordered a Carne Asada pizza, which is made of grilled steak, chilies, different kind of cheese, fresh tomato and cilantro. Yummy, right? Yummy until I took the first bite! The crust was so sweet that it dominated the taste of all of its other delicious ingredients. Imagine eating steak with a piece of muffin! Doesn't sound tasty anymore, does it?!

But why o why the food makers put all these extra sugar in everything they make? Why "spicy" ketchup, "vinegary" vinegars, and even "salty" pickled gherkins taste so sweet here?
When everything tastes so sweet, it does not really matter if you have French bread for lunch or pizza! They only look different!

I am one of those people who love to have a bit of pastry with tea or coffee. But, how can I enjoy a piece of, let's say chocolate-raspberry tart (one of my favorites), when so much extra sugar has entered my body without my permission!? And if I insist in having that piece of heaven, I have to cut back on my main meals or live with the guilt.

Did you know that the average American eats about 115 lbs of sugar per year? 115 lbs!!!? No wonder I am gaining weight this fast! And no wonder there are 24-hour fitness centers everywhere. This is for sure a not so easy way to burn off these extra calories that enter our body with or without our knowledge!

I wished someone had calculated the amount of money an average American is spending on fitness membership, dental care, health care, weight loss products, skin products, and wardrobe make-overs (because of size change) all due to this involuntary sugar consumption. I guess if you multiply it with 300 million people, it becomes an astronomic number! Doesn't sound too bad for the economy, after all!
Obviously, we can't put a price on the shattered self confidence, the torture of going on a diet, the health risk of obesity, and the time! Yes, the time you have to be on the treadmill away from whatever it is you like to do, shedding these extra pounds off!

Now the real question is what shall we do about this problem?

One thing we can do is to go back in time and find the person who discovered sugarcane and just make him undo his discovery!!!
How about if we all start growing our own food and making everything from scratch, like how our grand-grandparents were doing it?
Or an easier way is to ask the food makers not to put sugar in their food! If they don't listen, we all move out of this continent! Hopefully, they would get the message then!
Or we can pay extra attention when grocery shopping. This means spending more time while shopping and possibly spending a bit more money on high quality items. But then, what about when we dine out?

Oh, man! We are doomed! Let's get back on our treadmills.

Friends!

Friends! What a simple, yet complicated word! The Webster dictionary defines it as "One attached to another by affection or esteem"; and Wikipedia describes it as "Two or more people who are in a mutually pleasing relationship engendering a sentiment of camaraderie".

But, do these convey the real meaning and depth of friendship?

Friend and friendship, in my opinion, are such complicated, multi-leveled, beautiful, and divine terms that it is really hard to describe them by stitching together a series of words!
Friends are those who no matter how long or how far they are apart from each other, as soon as they are united, they pick it up from where they left off. They share their joys and laughter, tears and sorrows; they cheer each other on the way to success, and are there for one another at times of setback. They inspire and lend a hand to one another. They accept each other for what they are with all their strengths and shortcomings.

But, what is this bond made of that can survive the passage of time and distance? What is this mystical relationship that makes one "Give Head" over it, as Shams did for Rumi! Is it because of a mere likeness of physical experiences or backgrounds? Or due to harmonious brain waves? Or is it something beyond all these, something quite spiritual?
What is that sense, that vibe, that energy that one gets when one meets a "friend" for the first time? Those who believe in reincarnation of souls explain that souls that used to live together in one life time tend to reincarnate together. That's why two people like (or dislike) each other at the first encounter, because at a subconscious level they know each other from another time and place!

Obviously, everyone has a spectrum of friends; those closer to the center are those that we trust or endear more. It is amazing that some new friends, regardless of their age, race, or gender, end up in the middle of the spectrum right away. Again what is the root cause of this intuitive selection?

This whole subject is really fascinating. It is difficult to verbalize the source of this selection, or the nature of this bond. And after all, it really doesn't matter. Let's just be grateful for having this amazing ability to bond with one another as human beings and for being able to experience such a profound emotional relationship.

I am thankful to have a marvelous group of people as my friends. You are in my thoughts, always.

To you my friend, wherever you are, Cheers!

Free Within Limits!

A friend sent this link about how Australian government wants to evict Muslim radicals from their country, and I couldn't help myself but write about it.
(http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/australia.asp)

This is such a controversial topic. When I was reading the article, I could agree with most of their points but was not happy with some of their comments! I could see why they were so boldly asking Muslim hardliners to just "Take it or Leave it"! I was also so raged by how they were claiming that "This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE"... I just wanted to shout at the top of my lungs that: hey! This was not your land, your country... it had a previous owner! And they had their own language, culture, and lifestyle! How do you like it if they come out of their reserves right now and just ask you to adapt to their culture, learn their language, respect their GOD, or just leave?! But of course they can't, since they don't have the political power, financial means, or media support.

But I didn't shout on that day! Simply because, I don't agree with Muslim hardliners. I have lived in a country that is ruled by Islamic laws and have seen what it means to have a parliament that only passes bills aligned with Shari law or courts that base their judgments on it. A parliament that doesn't have the power to make a law that is beneficial to millions of people of the country if it is a tiny bit in contrast with the Islamic laws, and, a judicial system that would try people based on laws from centuries ago, from another culture and country altogether!

There was a similar dispute going on in Canada a few years ago. Some Jewish and Muslim groups were asking the Canadian government to allow them have their own family law system. It was a scary period, and thanks to the bright minds of the law makers of that country and the protest of thousands of people, it didn't happen.

But, what would happen if countries like Australia, Canada, or USA allow this dual law system: one parliamentary law and the other one Shari!?
It would mean that a fanatic father of a nine year old girl can force her to marry another man. An abusive husband can ban his wife from traveling, working, or even studying. He can legally take multiple wives! In case of a divorce, the mother can't have the custody of her child if the child is older than a few years. If a married woman is involved in adultery, she would be sentenced to death by stoning. Women inherit half of that of men. If a woman murders a man her sentence would be death, plus the blood money she has to pay to the victim's family. But if the reverse happens, the man can pay half of the blood money to the victim’s family and walk free! Yes, because a woman's life is valued as half of a man's.
These are just a few examples only related to family matters, but enough to make a point.

Of course these hardliners want such a system; it will make these countries like heaven to them. They can live in a modern country and take advantage of all the social benefits, while they practice their backward way of life. Simply, they can have one's cake and eat it too!

No! This won't happen, dear radical residents. The country you chose to live in is a free country. It is free for both men and women! It is free, but doesn't mean you can bring your Stone Age law system to these countries. Yes, it is Free Within Limits!

About Me?!

I was trying to fill out my profile for the blog, and got to the question "About Me". I automatically started writing, but after a few short seconds I stopped. Because it looked more like a resume! Because I had written about my profession and education, and the fact that I am a full time mom now. There was nothing about myself in there!

Then the real question popped up! Who am I? What defines me? Is it what I do now? Or what I have done in the past? or my future plans? Is it my education? Is it my family? Is it my personality? my nationality? my likes or dislikes? Why did I start writing about 'WHAT I am' and not 'WHO I am'?

I started by blaming today's society, saying that it is because we are living in a career driven world. Who you are equals what you do! It is very unlikely that when you meet new people the question of "what do you do for a living" is not brought up. Everyone wants to stick a label on you: "OK! This guy is an engineer, that guy is a business owner, the other one is a lawyer". And probably some will mentally put a dollar value right beside our names in their physiological database!

But then I thought maybe this is not because of today's society! Perhaps cavemen introduced themselves as: "Hi! I am a buffalo hunter" or "I am a deer hunter"!
Maybe this is because of our upbringings. The question of "What do you want to become when you grow up" is one of the popular questions being asked from very young children. Having a particular career was burnt into our brains at very young age such that it has made us identify ourselves with those labels!

But what if this way of thinking is built into our system even before birth! What if this is human nature that forces us to be so career driven? Or better said goal driven; Otherwise we would have still lived in caves, right?

Then again, maybe it is not because of any of the above! I think the real issue is something else. I believe if what you do is really what you love to do, then you and your career are so inseparable that when you want to write ABOUT yourself that's all you can talk about. Because when you talk about your career, you are actually talking about your passion and that becomes you!

Whatever the real reason is, I still need to think hard to fill out the blanks in "ABOUT ME".

Easier than I thought!

After months of speculating the idea of having a blog, and weighing the pros and cons... I, finally, decided to give it a shot! And Voila! Here I am on the web, live and writing in just a few short minutes! :-)


This idea was first presented to me by my hubby (He always insisted that I should write)! And then later, one of my best friends suggested that I should have a blog recording the daily activities of my son. But what made me try it was as an email with a link to a friend's blog. When I read his article, I thought this is a real nice way of sharing your views and opinions with your friends and getting their feedback! I had never thought about it that way... (http://www.designcabana.com/blog)

So here I am.

I will try to write about things that I feel worth sharing. And you are very welcome to add comments and give feedback.


Happy reading and writing everyone :-)

Behnaz